Fibbin' Archie Excerpt 2

1

Damn!
2

Double damn.

3

Damn, damn, damn!

5

Darn, he’d done it again.

8

He’d told a big porky. Bigger than ever.

13

He always did it. Despite knowing it always got him into mega trouble.  

21

This time, though, it was going to be even worse than ever. If she found out. No, when she found out.

34

She was going to flip. He’d said he got to see his grandmother today because she was ill. But Granma went shopping every Wednesday afternoon. What if Amanda bumped into her at the mall? 

55

“I like that new girlfriend of yours,” Granma had said after she’d bumped into them both last week at the shopping centre.  “She’s very pretty. And she’s well-mannered.”

So, Amanda would recognise her now. Oh, lord above.

“You lied to me,” she would say. “Your Granma’s fine. I saw her.”

Lordy, he couldn’t bear it.

89

It had just been a little lie this time. Well no. The lie was big enough. What he’d said had been totally untrue. If anything, Grandma was the healthiest of the whole family. Never got a cold or a tummy ache. She could still walk into town faster than Archie. He could never keep up with her -that was the trouble.

“It’s all that porter I keep drinking,” she said.

So, the lie was big enough. The reason he’d told it was quite silly. He wasn’t cheating on Amanda.

144

He hadn’t got another girlfriend. He didn’t fancy somebody else. He wasn’t fed up of Amanda either. It needed a day off. And he hadn’t wanted to tell her that because she would probably have taken it the wrong way.

Girls did that, girls. They thought that because you didn’t want to be with them 24/7 you’d lost interest. That was stupid. Even married people weren’t together all the time. They went to work didn’t’ they? They went to the shops. And they still met their other friends, didn’t they?

Oh lordy, what was he thinking about -married people? Hey, even Amanda didn’t go that far.

She was getting clingy, though.

“See, you tomorrow then,” he’d said.

“Hey, aren’t we going to hang out after school?” she said.

Then he’d just come out with. “I’ve got to go and see my Grandma. She’s sick.”    

233

Archie’s mobile rang. My Old Man’s a Dustman. Red.  

“Hi,” said Archie.

“Done the deed?”

“Yep.”

“Man, you don’t sound convinced.”

Archie swallowed. “I told her Grandma was sick.”

“What, your Grandma? Sick? Never!”

“That’s the trouble. And she might bump into her at the shopping centre.  It’s Grandma’s day for shopping.”

“Oh, and of course. What do girls do when they’ve nothing else to do?  They go shopping. Plonker, or what?”

“I know.”

“What did she say when you told her?”

“Well, she looked all worried. Then she said we should take her some flowers. So I said she was too sick. Then she said we should visit her when she’s a bit better.”

“And what did you say to that?”

“I said it might be a nice idea.”

“You didn’t! You’re worse than a plonker. You’re mental, you.”

“I know. I tell you, they’re not worth the bother, women.”

“You’re fibbin’ again Archie. You know you think she’s worth the bother.”

“I know. But.” Archie noticed another call coming in. “Ollie’s calling.”

“Well, get it then. Tell him to meet us at the corner of Canal Street. In twenty. See ya!”

Archie hoped Red wasn’t going to interrogate him as well. He needn’t have worried. Ollie was more concerned about Red’s daftness than Archie’s.

“Canal Street? What’s he want to do then? Throw stones at the ducks? Man, it’s freezing out.”