I’d really liked school up until then. I liked learning new things and I’d even liked everything Herr Lindemann had told us about how Germany would be glorious again one day. School had been so cosy and nice before. I’d always done well in class.
“You’re a fine young school girl,” Herr Lindemann used to say. “You should really be at the Gymnasium. You can take your Abitur then and go to university.”
I would have liked to have gone there. I know I would have been able to learn a lot, but Mutti wouldn’t hear of it.
“No,” she’d said. “We can’t expect Herr Silber to pay for all of those books and all of that travelling. What’s the point of education for a girl anyway? You need to learn housework and to look beautiful. You need to learn to become a good wife for a fine German man.”
Well, I suppose she was beautiful enough though I’m not so sure she was so competent at looking after the house. Only when it suited her, actually. And I didn’t want to think about being a wife yet.
So, I was stuck with the village school and had to be one of the responsible ones. The work was getting boring because it was all too easy now. The new girls arrived and with them some exciting possibilities.
They came to us from one of the other local schools that had shut down.
I tried to be friendly.
“So what was your old school like?” I asked.
“Much better than this,” said a girl with pale blue eyes and soft yellow curls. She rubbed her finger along the windowsill and blew the dust from it. She frowned. “And certainly much cleaner.”
“It’s disgusting here,” said one of the others.
“I can’t understand why our school had to close and they’ve left this one open,” said a third.
“Well you know why. Airy fairy ideas, my Vati says. Not enough proper education. You know what they told us at our BDM meeting,” another one chipped in.
They then turned away from me and started talking amongst themselves.
“At least that was good,” I heard one of them say. “I’m so glad we can still get over there after school.”
They started coming to school in their uniforms.
“My, you do look like smart BDM girls,” said Herr Lindemann the first time they did that. “But aren’t you afraid you’ll wear your uniforms out?”
“Not at all,” said the pretty one with the blond curls. I later learnt that her name was Adelinde. She liked to be called Linde for short. It took me quite a long time to learn their names because they basically ignored me. “We know how to be careful.” She screwed her nose up and looked at me. “It’s our duty to look smart.”
I loved their uniforms. Those dark blue skirts that came half way down their legs and the little jackets made them seem so sophisticated. I wondered whether I could ever look that good.
“Don’t you want to join?” Linde asked me one break time. “Can’t you see you’re missing out on a lot of fun?”
“They’re going to make it compulsory soon,” her friend Erika added. “You’ll have to join then. We can ask if you can come to our group, if you like.”
Mutti didn’t seem too keen. “Expense again,” she’d said when I asked her about it once. “And I can teach you all of that at home.”
I seriously doubted that she could actually, and even if she could, I didn’t think she would be bothered.
I had some doubts myself though as well. I also had the feeling that Bear thought it wasn’t quite right. He usually knew best. He hadn’t really said a lot but he always frowned when he saw any of them out and about. He didn’t like the boys of the Hitlerjugend much either though I think that might have been something to do with Thomas. He couldn’t seem to stand him.
“Oh leave her,” said Linde. “Look, she hasn’t even got the manners to answer.”
“You really should think about joining,” said Erika.
Later that day Mutti sent me into town to fetch Herr Silber’s new shoes. He’d had them made to measure. Typical Silber!
I bumped into them then. They were there with the rest of their group. It was really impressive seeing them all in their uniforms. One or two of them looked a little less smart, though. Their shoes didn’t go or something. Some of them hadn’t got the nippy little jacket. A few of them were wearing hand-knitted cardigans. They didn’t look smart at all. That didn’t stop them enjoying themselves, though. They were all laughing and joking as they walked in a long crocodile along the street.
Linde spotted me. “Hey, Gisela,” she shouted.
The girls from my class turned to look. They stared at me. I was sure they couldn’t work out why I wasn’t a member.
Linde had stopped walking and all the others behind stopped as well.
“So what are you up to?” she asked. “I bet it can’t be as interesting as what we’re going to do.”
“I’m getting Herr Silber’s shoes for him,” I said.
“Who’s Herr Silber?”
How was I going to explain that one? Fortunately I didn’t have to. Their group leader came over to see what had caused the hold up. The girls in front had stopped now as well.
“What’s going on ladies?” she asked. “We need to get on or we’ll be late for the parade.”
“The Hitlerjugend are going to be there as well,” said Linde. “We’re practising marching with them. It’s going to be great. She should join, shouldn’t she, Mariana?”
Mariana smiled at me. “You really should. If you like I can come and talk to your parents.”
“She lives in Sillenbuch though.”
“There’s a group there as well.” She took a notebook and pencil out of her bag. “Write your name and address down there. I know the girl who leads the Sillenbuch group. I’ll get her to call on you soon.”
“I bet Sillenbuch’s not as good as our group,” I heard Erika whisper as I wrote my name in Mariana’s book.
She took the book from me and put it back in her handbag. She smiled again then looked over to the rest of them.
“Come on then, now girls,” she said. “Best foot forward. Or we’ll be late.”
I watched them go towards the square. I would like to join, I thought. It did look like fun. I loved the uniform. Seeing them altogether like that, even the ones that didn’t quite match, well it was very impressive. I loved the way as well that they were on first name terms with their group leader. It made them seem so grown up.
I’d probably have to join the Sillenbuch group. If I did, the Sillenbuch group would be great. I’d make sure of that.
I couldn’t stop and daydream too long, though. I had to go and get those dratted shoes or there’d be no chance that Herr Silber would fork out for uniform for me.
Later that day, after supper, when I was helping Mutti with the washing–up, I found the courage to ask.
“Mutti, can I join the BDM? “
“What do you want to do that for?”
“Well, they do some useful things. And they seem to have a lot of fun.”
“I expect they do. But I also expect it costs a lot of money. And I can’t ask Poldi to help with that.”
I hated it when she called him Poldi. It was such a silly name. It sounded so affectionate for such a serious cold-hearted man.
“What can’t you ask Poldi to do?”
I shuddered. Herr Silber was standing in the doorway. He raised his eyebrows at me. “Well, what can I do for you?”
I felt my cheeks burning. “I was wondering about joining the BDM,” I just about managed to say.
“I’ve told it her it would be a waste of money,” Mutti said.
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Herr Silber. “It is a fine organisation. Really prepares our young ladies for marriage and motherhood. And they all look so lovely in those very smart uniforms.” He licked his lips and his eyes grew round.
I immediately went off the idea.
“It doesn’t matter, really,” I said. “I’ve got a lot to do at school.” That wasn’t true but now I couldn’t stand the thought of him gawping at me in my uniform.
“Yes you have.” Mutti pursed her lips and glowered at Herr Silber.
I finished the drying, hung the tea-towel on the hook and made my way up to my room. It seemed, then, that life was going to carry on being boring.
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