Fibbin' Archie 10946

His mother was sitting in the lounge watching telly and drinking a cup of tea when he got back home. He grabbed the remote off her and turned on the subtitles. She snatched it back and switched the telly off altogether. Then she started the fish routine. Archie went and got his pad.

“What did the doctor say?” she wrote.

“I’ve got to go to the hospital and have some tests.”

“He couldn’t give you anything for it? It’s not earwax or anything?”

Archie shook his head. “Do you think I should stay off school?”

“What did the doctor say?”

“He said I should carry on going.” Bastard.

Mrs Raybald wagged her finger at him. “Then you’ll have to go then won’t you?”

“But mum, I can’t understand a ruddy word. What’s the point?”

“You’ll have to learn to lip-read,” she mouthed exaggerating each word and pointing to her lips. She started writing on the pad again. “And don’t they have them interactive whiteboard thingies? Can’t they write everything on that and you can keep a copy?”

“They could do that anyway and email it to me,” mumbled Archie.

His mum said something.  He didn’t know what.

“It stresses me out, Mum. The doctor said I should avoid stress.” That was as much as he was going to tell her about what the doctor thought had caused the problem.

His mother shook her head and mouthed something he didn’t get.  She pointed upstairs. He guessed she was telling him to go and do his homework. He would much rather have lain on his bed looking up at the stars. Maybe even have a wank. But he supposed she had a point. He had got rather a lot. And he didn’t want all that fuss with the bed sheets again. Somehow he could only ever manage it if he was in bed and it always made a mess. He always had to cover it up. It took all the fun out of it. Someday, sometime soon, some girl would let him do it for real. Hopefully. He suddenly remembered Red and Amanda and felt a bit sick. Yep. Best get on with his homework and stop thinking about things like that.     

He started unpacking his books. Darn. He’d forgotten his maths book. Toddles would go nuts if he didn’t give his homework in time. Perhaps Millie would have hers? She’d moved into his set now. He rushed down the stairs.

“I’m going round Grandma’s,” he shouted to his mother as he made his way towards the back door. “I need to borrow Millie’s maths book.”

Of course he didn’t hear what she replied.   

Probably told him it was too late or something. So, being deaf did have some advantages after all. He didn’t have to hear what he didn’t want to.He had to ring the bell three times when he got to Grandma’s. What the heck were they doing? They hadn’t gone to bed already had they?  There were lights on in both bedrooms and the bathroom, but there were also still lights on downstairs. All of them by the looks of it. 

At last a shadow passed in front of the hall light and the door opened. Millie was wrapped in a thick towelling dressing-gown and she had slippers on her feet. A towel was wrapped round her head like a turban.

She said something to Archie but he didn’t get it.

She shook her head and raised her eyebrows. She pointed upstairs. Then she grabbed his arm and pulled him into the lounge. She mimed that he should take his coat off and sit down. Then she went into the kitchen and came back holding the kettle. She pointed to it.

He guessed she was inviting him to have a cuppa.   

“Yes please. Tea. I’ve only come to borrow your maths book. Have you done the stuff for Toddles?”

He didn’t know what she replied because by now she had gone into the kitchen.

Then Archie thought he heard something. It wasn’t really so much a sound though but a vibration. Thud! Thud! Thud!

The door opened and in came Grandma. Of course it had been her stick on the stairs. She too was wearing her thick dressing-gown and slippers and she also had a towel turban on her head. She said something to Archie and pointed to the kitchen.

Archie shrugged. “Sorry, Grandma, I really can’t hear you.”

She tutted and shook her head and then went into the kitchen.

They seemed to be ages in there. Like a couple of old witches, he thought, brewing something up.  Best not touch that tea when they brought it in. But there was something different about Grandma’s. What was it? He couldn’t quite work it out. But there was definitely something.  

He took his jumper off. That was it of course. It was much warmer than normal. Millie must be having a good influence then.

The door opened and the two women came in. Millie was carrying a tray on which there were three steaming mugs and a plate of chocolate biscuits. She put it down on the coffee table.

She mouthed something at him, pointing to her own and Grandma’s head. Then she counted to three and both of them pulled the towels off their heads. 

Archie couldn’t believe it. Millie’s hair was bright purple. Grandma’s was shocking pink. Both of them were giggling.

Millie stopped for a couple of seconds and said something to him. He shook his head and shrugged. She then started pretending to write something. Archie took his notebook and pen out of his coat pocket.

“I did the maths. It was easy,” wrote Millie.  “You can borrow my book and take it home and copy it if you like. Give it me back before the lesson tomorrow.”

Grandma snatched the note-book off her and wrote something.

“Buggered if I’m going to have one of them blue rinses,” Archie read a few moments later. “It makes you look so old.”

They drank the tea and ate the biscuits. Millie and Grandma giggled a lot and said loads of stuff he didn’t understand but before long he found himself laughing as well. He felt daft, because he didn’t know what he was laughing about. But it made him feel good, actually.

“I’d better go,” he said at last.

Millie said something and then went out of the room.

Grandma grabbed the pad and wrote something.

“She’ll get the results of the post-mortem on her uncle tomorrow,” Grandma had written. “So we thought we’d have a bit of fun to take her mind off it. She’ll be going to see her social-worker after school tomorrow. Big day.”

Archie nodded.

Millie came back into the room with her maths book.  She handed it to Archie.

“Ta. I’ll give you this back tomorrow.” He stood up and put his coat on. “I’ll come with you after school tomorrow if you like.”

Her face was blank at first. Then she smiled. She said a couple of words which he guessed were “Thank you.” She looked as if she was about to cry now. 

They’d been waiting for ages at the Social Services office. It was a really depressing place. There were some tatty posters on the wall and the carpet was worn. It smelt a bit funny as well. Damp, Archie guessed. Why didn’t they spend a bit of money on these places and tart them up a bit? It was bad enough that people had to come here. They ought to do something to cheer them up. 

Millie looked all right though. She’d pinned her hair up and somehow like that it didn’t look quite so purple. She was still in her school uniform and she’d managed to keep it neat and tidy all day. She was wearing a skirt and for once it was actually a decent length. In fact, she looked a bit like she used to at Guns Village. Apart from the purple hair, of course.

She wasn’t saying a lot. Well, there actually wasn’t a lot of point. He’d never be able to hear her anyway. But he guessed it wasn’t just because of that.  She just stared ahead, not seeming to see anything.

It was boring, actually, waiting here. He’d read all of the tatty posters twice each. He thought about picking up one of the magazines. But they were women’s magazines and they looked ancient. He might catch something from them Besides, Millie might get annoyed and think he didn’t care. So, best not then.

At last the door opened and a little woman with brown frizzy hair appeared. She looked about the same age as his mum and she had a frown etched on to her forehead. She said something to Millie. Millie stood up, grabbing his arm and pulling him to his feet. She said something to the woman.

The woman’s frown deepened.  Then she shrugged, pursed her lips and nodded her head.

She showed them into a small office that was just as depressing as the waiting room and smelt even funnier. A stale coffee smell mixed with the one of general damp. The woman indicated that they should sit down on a dilapidated sofa. She sat down on an equally dilapidated armchair. Archie could read her name badge now: Barbara Clutter. Archie found it hard not to giggle. Clutter, he thought. Now that’s a good name for her.  Judging by this place. The coffee table in front of them was covered in unwashed cups. Hence the smell, he guessed. And the desk in the corner was piled high with manila files. There was just about room for the ancient computer.

Barbara Clutter had one of the manila folders on her lap. She opened it and started reading something from it. She looked up at Millie occasionally and smiled a little. Millie’s face wasn’t giving away anything.

Suddenly she closed the file, looked up at Millie and said a few more words. Then she beamed and grabbed Millie’s hand.

Millie was shaking her head and there were tears coming out of her eyes.

“What’s the matter?” said Archie. “Are they going to charge you with murder?” 

Millie laughed and shook her head violently. She grabbed Archie’s notebook and started writing.

“My uncle didn’t die from the bump on his head. He died of alcohol poisoning. It wasn’t my fault.”

Barbara Clutter carried on smiling and nodding her head, but then she suddenly frowned again and said something to Millie.  

Millie’s smile disappeared as well and she nodded her head.

Barbara stood up and shook first Millie’s hand and then Archie’s. She held on to his hand a long time and said something to him but he couldn’t make out what. Then she showed them back to the waiting room. 

As soon as she had shut the door, Millie flung herself at him and started sobbing. There was nothing he could do but put his arms round her and hold her tight. It felt strange, holding Millie like this. She wasn’t Millie the slapper anymore. She was Millie who could have been his little sister and needed looking after.  

He didn’t get it, though. If Barbara Clutter had said she hadn’t killed her uncle, she should be glad, not sad.  What was the matter with her? He just didn’t get women. 

The tension gradually seemed to fall away from her and the sobbing became less violent. He pushed her away a little. “Tell you what. How about we go and get a milkshake and you can tell me what’s up?”

Millie nodded. He face looked a mess and her eyes still looked watery but there was just a flicker of a smile on her lips.         

When Archie got back to the table with the milkshakes – a strawberry one for him and chocolate for Millie, she was scribbling away in his notebook.   

He put the shakes down on the table. “Go on, then.  Give us a look.”

Millie turned her face up to him and slid the notebook across the table. Her eyes looked all watery again. But she did take a couple of sips of her milkshake while he read.

 “My mum and dad still won’t let me go back. They still don’t believe why I pushed him. And Barbara Clutter says I can’t stay with your grandma forever. I’ll have to go into care. It I’m lucky I might get foster parents, but it’s more likely I’ll go into a home for a bit and then a hostel when I’m old enough. I don’t mind any of that all that much, but I just wish they would believe me. The trouble is, now that he’s dead, we’ll never be able to get him to own up.”

Blooming Aida.  That was a stinker.

“So what won’t they believe?” said Archie. “That he was feeling you up? Serves you right, you tart. Wearing them skirts so short. You know us men. Can’t control ourselves. Especially when we’ve had a bit to drink.” He’d meant it as a bit of a joke.  He was trying to cheer her up. She wasn’t taking it as joke, though, judging by the chocolate milkshake that was making its way towards his best white school shirt.

It was gross. Cold and sticky. Some had even gone into his hair. He didn’t dare move or he would get it everywhere.

Millie wrote furiously in the notebook. Then she slammed it down on the table and ran out of the café.

He supposed it was no good running after her. He leant forward slowly, trying not to get the gooey chocolate mixture everywhere. He slid the book towards him and started reading.

“It wasn’t the first time. And he wasn’t just touching me up. He made me do it. Every frigging night. After my olds had gone to bed he’d sneak into my room and make me have sex with him. Sometimes in the morning as well, if he’d been on night shift, he’d come straight to my room. He’d put his hand over my mouth to stop me screaming. It hurt every single time. That’s why I wanted to do it with you. I wanted it to be normal. I wanted to see whether I could enjoy it. That’s why I always dress like a tart. I want somebody my own age to want me. Don’t worry, though, you would have been all right. He always used a condom and I’ve always got some in my bag.” 

My God. Archie suddenly felt sick. He dashed out of the café, leaving the notebook behind.

He just about got to the gents in time. Fortunately there was a cubicle free. He leant over and threw up. He felt a bit better afterwards. But bloody hell! Poor Millie. That explained a lot. He took his shirt off and rinsed it in the hand basin. He’d be all right with just the sweatshirt. He squeezed as much water out of it as he could then stuffed it into his bag with his P.E. kit. He cupped his hand under the tap and used the water to rinse through his hair. The he turned the hand drier round so he could it blew on his hair.  That was quite soothing and he thought he could face going home now.     

He walked home slowly. He hoped Millie would be all right.  

She was sitting on the step outside his house when he got back. Her head was buried in her arms. He touched her shoulder. She looked up at him.

“You’ll have to tell someone.”

She nodded.

“My grandma might be a good place to start.”

She nodded again and stood up. They started walking towards Grandma’s house.  

 

*

The woman behind the counter at the café said something. He guessed she was asking for more details about the notebook. Mind you, they might have just thought it was a load of old rubbish and thrown it away.

“Just an ordinary old notebook. Spiral at the top. A bit like what they have in posh cafés where they come to your table to serve you. Only bigger. You know, like what receptionists use.”

The woman mumbled something. She looked quite annoyed. Was that because he was wasting her time? Or because he’d said something about posh cafés? But he’d got to get that book back no matter what. Grandma had been very firm about that. She didn’t want anyone else reading about what had happened to Millie. She was going to make a few calls – including to Mrs and Mrs Davies, and tell them what was what. And Millie wasn’t to worry. They would get it sorted.

The woman pulled something out from under the till and said something to Archie. It was his notebook. Thank goodness.

“Yes, that’s the one.”

The woman handed it to him.

“Thank you.” Archie just about stopped himself kissing the notebook.

She mumbled something else, frowned and busied herself behind the counter. 

Archie felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned round to find Ollie and Red mouthing something at him. What did those plonkers want?  Anyway, they ought to know by now that it was no good trying to talk to him.

“It’s no good,” he said. “I can’t tell what you’re saying.” He just stopped himself in time. He’d been about to hand his note-book and pen to Red. He didn’t want them two finding out about Millie.

Red mimed writing.

Archie shrugged.

Red tutted and pulled his geography exercise book and a pen out of his bag.   

“We want to talk to you,” he read when Red showed him the exercise book.

“Okay. Get us a milkshake and you’re on.”

Five minutes later the three of them were drinking banana and toffee-apple shakes. Red was scribbling away in the exercise book.

“It’s daft,” Archie read later. “Not speaking because of wenches. Anyhow, he’s gone off Millie. She’s too miserable these days. And I’ve finished with Amanda.”

Great, thought Archie. But I bet she won’t have nothing to do with me now.

Red scribbled again.

“So, what do you say we all go round Freddie’s? Chuffy’s got the ‘flu’ and my old man’s away on business. I’ve got the keys because I’ve got to do a few jobs for him. Nobody would know.”

It sounded like a plan but somehow he didn’t fancy it much at all. If he was truthful, he’d rather spend the afternoon with Millie and Grandma. Or just go home and stare at his ceiling. As much as he could now.  The days were getting longer. So, although that meant that the stars would charge up more, he wouldn’t be able to see them for so long. He’d be asleep most of the time. Anyway, he didn’t want to get into any more trouble. “No,” he said. “I’ve got too much on.” His ear began to tingle.

“What, you’re not thinking of doing some homework, are you?” Ollie scribbled.

“No. it’s not that. I just don’t want any more hassle. And I have got to do something for Millie and my Grandma.” The tingling subsided a bit.

“Them bitches? Anyhow, I thought you weren’t into her.” Archie read from the pad.

“I thought you weren’t either, mate.”

Ollie shouted something. Archie guessed that it we something about him not being allowed to have her either. Red said something to Ollie and Archie thought he could make out the word “loser”. Perhaps he might be able to get into this lip-reading malarkey after all.

Red nodded to Ollie and the two of them got up and left. Their milkshakes were only half finished.

So much for being mates again, thought Archie. Still, at least he’d got a milkshake out of them. Two actually.  He finished off theirs as well. He let out an enormous burp. The woman behind the counter who’d found his note-book gave him a filthy look.

Time to go, he guessed.  He didn’t want to outstay his welcome. He patted his pocket to make sure that the note-book was safe.          

There were just three more people in front of him, Archie reckoned. My God, this was a bore. His appointment had been for half past two and it was nearly half past three already. Millie had insisted on coming with him only she was sitting there listening to her ipod. Huh! Chance would be a fine thing. He reckoned she’d only come so she could skive off PE. There were only the same tatty magazines they seemed to have in all waiting rooms. The telly was on and it was some crap programme about antiques. There’s weren’t any subtitles either. Bit daft, he thought, in a place where people were there because they had hearing problems.

He decided he might as well get on with his homework. He rummaged in his bag until he found his French book. Homework was revising for his oral exam. That would be a laugh. It would be more of a reading exam if his teacher had to write the questions. But maybe they would have sorted this out by then.

He looked at his notes. He imagined himself in a French bar ordering a litre of lager and a cheese baguette.  And chatting up the barmaid, asking all about her family and her hobbies. Crap, he thought.  Like that would ever happen.

Millie suddenly poked his side.

He wriggled away from her.  “What? I do do homework sometimes, you know.”  

She shook her head and pointed to the nurse who was calling something. She dragged him out of his chair.

Ah. So it was his turn? Why didn’t they have one of those displays that said whose turn it was? How did they expect people to hear if they’d got something wrong with their ears?

They were shown into a small room and an old-fashioned pair of headphones were plonked on Archie’s head. The nurse gold-fished something at him. Archie shook his head. Millie found his pad and wrote “You have to press the buzzer every time you hear a sound.” Archie nodded.

The minutes ticked by. He heard nothing.

The nurse came and took the headphones off him. She raised her eyebrow and said something. Millie started shouting at the nurse. A security guard came and took her away but not until after she’d had quite a fight with him.  

More trouble. He hoped she wouldn’t run off and that she would wait for him outside.

He was taken to a doctor who looked into his ears with one of those poky torch-things again. The doctor said all sorts of things to him that he couldn’t understand. Eventually, Archie handed him the note-pad.

“We can’t actually find anything wrong. We want you to have a blood test. You can have that done today and you can get the results from your GP.”

With not a little amount of difficulty, he found his way to where they took blood samples and waited another forty minutes. He worried about what might have happened to Millie. But he thought it was funny that they couldn’t work out what was wrong with him. It’s easy, he thought. I’ve been telling fibs.

It was getting dark as he left. He found Millie sitting on the kerb where the ambulances came in. He could smell cigarette smoke on her. Where did she get the money from?  Oh God, he hoped she wasn’t stealing it form Grandma. Naw! Probably flashed her legs and begged one off one of them dirty old men who hung around here.

She gestured that he should give her the note-book.

“I asked the nurse whether she was a tosser or what and couldn’t she fucking tell you can’t hear a fucking sound. She was trying to make out that you were putting it on.”   

“Whoops!”

“What did they say?” Millie scribbled.

“Can’t find nothing wrong,” said Archie. I could tell them though. “Plonkers. Shall we go home?”

Millie nodded. Archie crooked his arm. Millie slipped hers into the space.

*

The geography lesson was boring. Well it usually was, but it was extra boring for Archie because he didn’t know what Farmer was rattling on about. The stuff on the board was just yawny: the population of five different countries, a list of their imports and exports and each with a meaningless figure that was supposed to tell you how big it was. The one thing that usually brightened up these painful sessions was the triple act he performed with Ollie and Red. They used to tease Farmer like mad, doing anything they could to stop him getting on with the lesson. The trouble was, he couldn’t join in now. And Ollie and Red didn’t seem to be so good at it on their own.

They were all just about friends now, but it wasn’t the same as it used to be. All he wanted to do was put his head down on the desk and go to sleep.  

He was at least sitting next to Ollie and Red was just across the aisle. But Ollie was chatting to Red and Archie felt completely left out. They were giggling a lot.

Bloody daft bastards, he thought. Wish they’d grow up a bit.

Suddenly Ollie turned to him and grabbed his exercise book.

“I’ve gone off MD,” he wrote. “You can have her.”

“I’m not interested. I don’t like her - not in that way.  I told you,” said Archie. That was odd. His ear tingled a bit. “What made you change your mind?”

Ollie shrugged. “Too quiet, in’t she?” he wrote. “Don’t dress up as nice as she used to. Anyway there’s Celine now.”  

“Celine Rogers? You’m kidding ain’t ya?” Celine was tall and black. Well rich chocolate brown, actually. Archie supposed she was quite good-looking in a different sort of way. She was certainly a good runner, just like her dad who ran for the Sandwell team. But that was the trouble. Her dad. Everybody was scared of him except Celine herself. And she must be at least a foot taller than Ollie.

“How do you think you’re going to manage to snog her? You’ll never reach.”

Ollie just tapped the side of his nose and grinned. He sat back in his chair, his arms folded across his chest.

“Blimey, you mean you have already?”

Ollie nodded.  “At Skank’s party,” he wrote.

Skank had had a party and nobody had told him. He was the disabled kid now, was he? “When? When did Skank have party?”

“Last Satrurday,” wrote Ollie. “It was cool.”

“And you get off with her?”

“Yep. She’s a good snogger.” 

Red pulled Ollie’s exercise book over. “You should have seen ‘em going,” he wrote. “Ollie knows his stuff.”

“Is she all right, then?” asked Archie.

“Ace,” wrote Ollie. “A real turn on.”

“You should have seen his stiffy,” wrote Red.

Archie sniggered.

Suddenly Mr Framer was crashing his whiteboard rubber down on Ollie’s table. He was shouting. Then he picked up Ollie’s exercise book and started pointing at what they had written.

“It was my fault, sir,” said Archie. “I can’t hear. They have to write everything down.”

Mr Farmer picked up Archie’s exercise book and started writing. “You shouldn’t have been talking in the first place. Let alone writing such rude rubbish like this in exercise books. You’ve all get detention tonight. And tomorrow night. And Thursday.”

The bell must have rung then because everybody started packing their things away.

“Sorry,” muttered Archie.

Ollie and red both shrugged.

Celine appeared at the doorway. Archie thought he could understand what Ollie saw in her. She was really tall and slim. Her thick lips were covered in lip gloss and her shirt was pulled tight over her big bosom.  

Ollie put his hand on his crotch and pulled a face that made him look as if he was in pain but then he licked his lips as if he was just about to eat something nice. He grabbed his stuff and darted out of the room. As soon as he reached the door Celine pulled him into a clinch.  The two of them were blocking the doorway. Red was laughing his head off. Some of the others were tittering as well.

Mr Farmer shouted something and Ollie and Celine ran off down the corridor, still holding hands.

Lucky bastard, thought Archie as he slowly put his stuff away. He thought of all the times he’d snogged Amanda and of that time at the bus stop with Millie. He wished he hadn’t started thinking about things like that. His trousers began to feel too tight and he guessed people would be able to see. He tried to think about his detention instead.   

*

Archie walked home from school with Millie on Friday. It was his first detention-free night and they were going to have fish and chips from the chippy with Grandma. Millie was going to help him with his maths homework. It was their only chance. Millie had got a Saturday job at the market. Sunday was the third in the month so it was Big Roast day at the Raybalds’. He would be expected to help and although Millie would come with Grandma, there wouldn’t be any time for maths homework, only for chitchat. Besides, he and Ollie and Red, and his dad and Fred Benson were going to the Baggies’ match in the afternoon. Then they’d want to talk about it all evening. So, yeah. Tonight was the only chance for maths. He didn’t mind going to Grandma’s anyway: the chippy near her house was much better than any of the ones near him.

Millie was quiet on the way home. Not that there was any point in her trying to talk to him. It was too difficult to use the notepad while they were walking along. It wasn’t just that though. She seemed to be day-dreaming. Her eyes weren’t actually looking at anything and a couple of times he had to pull her back as she went to step off the kerb just as a car was coming.    

The woman’s a bleeding nightmare, he thought.

He couldn’t actually blame her, he supposed. What with all that stuff about her uncle and not knowing how long she could stay with Grandma and where she would have to go afterwards. They hadn’t heard anything from Barbara Clutter for a while. Archie expected she was busy and at least Millie was safe now. Still, it was all so uncertain.

Should he try to cheer her up? How?

“I bet you’m not as fit as me,” he said. “Race you to Grandma’s.”

They were about 400 metres away from Grandma’s house and the pavement was a bit narrow. Some cars were parked partly on the kerb. It meant they had to keep pushing each other out of the way.

“You crafty little bitch,” he shouted at her as she dodged in front of him just a few metres from Grandma’s house. He tried to push past her, but she spread her arms out and carried on running. She just about got there before him.

They were both laughing their heads off as they arrived at Grandma’s house.

“We’re back,” shouted Archie. “And we’re starving. We’ve run all the way.”

But Grandma wasn’t in the kitchen as usual.

Millie looked as if she was listening to something and then pulled Archie towards the lounge.

Archie almost choked when he saw Foxy Burnett sitting there, looking quite respectable in a jacket and a colourful tie. Grandma had taken her apron off as well. There they were, taking afternoon tea and eating shortbread. Grandma had a note book ready.

She indicated that they should sit down, poured them both some tea and offered them a piece of shortbread. Then she took up the pad and started writing. She handed the pad to Archie and started talking to Millie and Foxy. He guessed they were talking about the same thing.

“I thanked Foxy for the biscuits!!! You little minx, trying to keep him away from me. Well, it’s just as well you didn’t manage. He’s come to see me today with some very important news. Oh, and by the way, he’ll be stopping for supper as well. So, get used to it. You and he can go and get the chips and see if you can’t get along. He’d heard all about Millie. Then he found out that his next door neighbour’s girl is expecting a baby.  And she’s saying that Ted Davies – that’s Millie’s uncle – is the father. And that he forced to do you-know-what. Dirty bugger that he was. She’s willing to have a sample taken of the baby’s DNA.  Apparently, they did keep a sample from Millie’s uncle. Just in case.”

Foxy was sitting there, grinning and generally looking very pleased with himself. Millie, though, had gone pale and she had her hand in front of her mouth. She looked as if she was going to be sick. Then she suddenly sprang up and ran out of the room. Her shoulders were heaving up and down as if she was crying and she seemed to be gulping for air.

Archie went to follow her but Grandma shook her head.

“Give her a few minutes,” she wrote on the pad. “She’s had a shock. But when she gets used to it she’ll realise it’s good news. Now, then, why don’t you and Foxy go and get them chips? Three portions of cod and chips should be enough. She probably won’t be very hungry and their portions are big.  Better bring four pickle onions just in case.”

Archie was surprised that going to the chippy with Foxy wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Of course, they couldn’t exactly make conversations.  But at least he didn’t smell, or sniff, or wipe his nose on his sleeve or scratch his balls. His eyes watered as usual, but Archie supposed he couldn’t help that; it was just because he was old.   

Supper wasn’t too bad either. Millie didn’t say much but she did eat a little. Foxy and Grandma chattered away. He hadn’t got a clue what they were saying. Then Foxy went home and Millie and he settled down to the maths homework.

Millie didn’t have to write much on his pad and he didn’t say much either. That was the great thing about maths. You didn’t need to talk about it. You could just watch what the figures did.

Grandma was busy doing something in the kitchen-diner. It was nearly ten o’clock when she came into the lounge. She sat down next to Archie and started writing on his pad. She handed it back to him and said something to Millie. 

“I’m going to bed now. Don’t you two stop up too long. Millie’s got work in the morning. I suppose you want to know what I was doing with Foxy. Well, I’ve put it all in an email. You can read it later. I don’t want to talk any more about it tonight but maybe we can talk about it on Sunday.”

“What do you mean? You’ve put it in an email?” Archie could not believe that his grandma would have anything to do with a computer.

Millie had looked up from her work and there was a half-smile on her lips.  That was the first time she’d smiled all evening.

Grandma took the pad again. “Cheeky young monkey.  Do you think I’m past it or what? Young Millie here has showed me how to use her laptop. I’m going to get myself one. Maybe you and Millie can come with me to choose it.”

Archie shook his head and sighed. Grandma slapped the back of his head and said something he didn’t understand.

She said something else to Millie and then nodded to him. She went out of the room. Archie guessed she was going to bed.

Millie grabbed his pad. “Do you think that’s enough for now? I’m getting tired. Can you do the rest on your own?”

“Yeah. I should think so.”

Millie pulled the pad back and wrote something else.

“Do you think my mum and day will believe me about my uncle if that girl can prove he’s the father of her baby?”

He didn’t know the answer to that one. He hoped they would, though. “They’d bloody well better,” he said. 

A soon as Archie got in he switched on his computer even though it was already quite late. He logged into his email. Blooming Aida. There it was. An email form Grandma. Who’d have thought it? He opened it.

Hi Archie,

I thought I’d better tell you all about Foxy Burnett. His real name is Frank. Frank Burnett. He was at school with me and your granddad.  In fact he used to sit next to me all the time we were at George Salter. Me and him went out for a while – courting they used to call it.  It was after we had left school and he was working at Salters. I got a job at Robinsons. (They were a cake shop. They don’t exist now.  Shame. They made smashing cakes.) He wanted us to get engaged. Your great-granddad didn’t like him though. He didn’t get on with Foxy’s dad. Said something about him being a coward.  

Then one day he disappeared. I was supposed to meet him up at Dartmouth square and he never turned up. I was heart-broken. Didn’t eat for a week. Cried all the time. Couldn’t sleep. Your granddad was very good. He used to be Foxy’s best mate. He thought there was something wrong. He hadn’t turned up for a darts match. (Your granddad and Foxy used to be in the darts team)  He went round to his house to find out what had been going on. Foxy wasn’t there.  Neither was his dad.

They never came back and I’ve only just found out what happened. Your granddad asked me out and eventually I gave in and went out with him. I forgot all about Foxy after a while. Then, when your granddad popped the question I accepted and you know the rest.

Foxy’s only been back here for the last five years and he only found out about where I lived just before Christmas. Apparently Chuffy at Fred Benson’s cub told him.

It turns out your great-granddad was right about Foxy’s dad. Not only was he a coward – he deserted during the First World War and he got let off because he claimed he’d lost his memory – but he was a bad lot as well. That night he’d taken Foxy to help him and his mates with a job – you know, a burglary. Well, something went wrong and Foxy got knocked on the head. He really did lose his memory – for five months.  Then when it came back he was so ashamed that he wouldn’t come back and see his mum. His dad never showed up again either.

He only came back when his older brother died. He was the only relation and they managed to track him down. That house he lives in now used to belong to his brother.

He’s had a bit of sad life. Apparently he never met anyone else. He’d heard that I’d got married. He worked mainly as a factory labourer. It didn’t pay too well but at least it was good honest work. He never got involved in no more crimes.

So, you see, he’s not such a bad chap after all. I know his eyes are a bit funny and watery but he can’t help that and they don’t do no harm.

And you know what – he doesn’t half make me laugh sometimes. He’s a kind soul. So you’ll just have to get used to your old grandma being around him now and then. No complaining, now.

Ta ta for now,

Grandma.     

The hospital waiting room was even more boring than the time before. Millie hadn’t come with him this time. She’d got a cold and had decided to stay indoors.

“They won’t want my germs,” she’d written on Archie’s pad.

Grandma had nodded her head and then added “Yes, and if you’re going to keep on being deaf you’ll have to learn to stand on your own two feet. You can’t lean on Millie all of the time.”

So, here he was again. No sub-titles on the telly. Only boring stuff to read. He wished he’d brought his homework with him. He hoped the nurse would come and fetch him when they wanted him.

She didn’t. She huffed and puffed and looked generally cross as she’d called somebody’s name. He guessed she might be calling him. He volunteered himself. She scowled at him.

“I’m sorry. I’m deaf,” he said.

He was shown into the same room as before but this time the technician put a hearing-aid into each ear first.

I’m going to look a right plonker wearing those, he thought. They were pretty ugly.

The technician said something to him.

“Sorry, I can’t hear,” said Archie.

The technician tutted and adjusted something on the aids. She mouthed something at him. Archie shook his head. She took a piece a paper and started writing.  

“Well, I’d still like to do the test again, like last time and see whether you can hear anything with the aids on,” Archie read. “Just press the buzzer every time you hear a sound.”

She went and sat down behind her desk.

Archie sat with the headphones on for twenty minutes. The technician made a few notes. He didn’t hear a single sound.

The technician got up from behind her desk and handed Archie a note.

“The hearing-aids obviously won’t help you. You’ll have to go and see your GP about this again.”     

Thank goodness for that, thought Archie. Goodness knows what they would have said about him at school with those things in his lug-holes.

“You’ll have to learn to lip-read,” Millie wrote on his pad after he’d explained about the hearing aids. “Watch my lips.”

Archie looked at her mouth. She looked as if she was trying to blow bubbles. She took the pad again and wrote something on it.

“What did I say?”

Archie shrugged.

Millie frowned and said something else. What was she on about? Why didn’t she write it down?

She sighed and started writing again. “You’re not making any bleeding effort, you lazy sod.”  

“Get off! You wouldn’t like it if you were deaf.”

Millie pulled a face at him. She mouthed something. Archie handed her the pad. She shook her head.

She thumped him in the chest, then held her right index finger in the air. She pointed to her ears and then her mouth. Her mouth opened and shut once and he saw her tongue flicker.

“Listen?” he asked.

Millie nodded. She mouthed something else and waved towards to the television. She picked up the remote and pointed to the television. The 24 hour news came on.

“Aren’t you going to put the subtitles on?” asked Archie.

Millie shook her head. She twisted Archie away from the television and mouthed something to him. Then she pointed back towards the news reader. She went right up to the television and pointed to the readers’ moving lips.

“Do I have to watch the bloody news? It’s boring.”

Millie thumped him and waggled his arm. He turned to face her. She mouthed something else to him. He could tell she was exaggerating. But he could, he thought make out what she was saying.

“Watch his lips?”

Millie nodded.

Archie sat down on the couch. What a bore! And she wasn’t going to stop and keep him company. She’d pottered off somewhere. He supposed he’d better do as he was told.

He was right. It was boring. All stuff about the recession, unemployment and banks. But he was surprised at how much he actually understood without the sub-titles. Sure, there were plenty of pictures to help. But he could actually hear the man’s voice in his head. He’d heard him before. He often presented the news. Perhaps he was making it all up? Actually imagining what the bloke was saying? It did all make sense though.

Next thing he knew Millie was waggling his arm.

He turned to face her.  She was holding two large ice-creams. Blimey! Since when had Grandma kept ice-creams in? “What’s this for?” he asked.

She mouthed something at him, really opening her moth wide on every single word. “Because you deserve it?” did she say?

“Why do I deserve it?”

“Because you’re making an effort,” he thought she said.  Well even if that wasn’t what she said, she ought to have done. He was making an effort. It was hard work, this.

Millie nudged him. “This should be good,” he reckoned she said. She pointed to the telly. The One Show. Matt and Alex. They were all right. A lot of talking, but yeah, he could make out about half of it if he concentrated.

He was aware that Millie had moved. He looked up to see Grandma and Millie laughing.

Grandma looked straight at him. “Bugger me!” Grandma was always saying “Bugger me!” Her lips had been together as if she was pronouncing a “b”.  “Our Archie lip-reading.” He could almost hear her voice. He wondered, would he forget what people’s voices were like if he never got his hearing back.

 “Well, I’ve got to do something, haven’t I? Don’t stare at me.”

By the time he had watched The One Show and Eastenders Archie was exhausted. It took a lot of concentration, this lip-reading malarkey. He thought he’d go home and play on his computer or surf the net. Or just stare at his ceiling. He was just getting up to go when Grandma jumped to her feet and limped off towards the front door. Millie suddenly went white.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“My mum and dad,” muttered Millie. Blimey, he could tell what she was saying even though she was muttering.

Before he had time to react Grandma had shown Mr and Mrs Davies into the lounge. They both said something to Millie. Archie couldn’t quite make out what. But soon it was obvious that they were shouting. Millie was waving her arms around. Then Mr Davies lunged towards Millie. She screamed and ran towards Archie. Mr Davies went to run after her but Grandma stuck her stick out in front of him. He almost toppled over. Grandma poked him in the chest with her stick, making him sit in the armchair. He went to get up, but Grandma poked him again.

“Not in my house!” he could tell she was saying.

Mrs Davies said something. Grandma turned to her and replied. Archie couldn’t tell what she was saying because she had her back to him. But then she turned back to Mr Davies and rattled on at him. Archie got the gist of it. Something about a wench and a babby and being brave. Then very clearly: “But I suppose there are some mothers who don’t care.” Grandma turned back towards Mrs Davies.

“Come on, Bertie, we’re done here,” Archie made out.

Mr Davies got to his feet. Grandma barred their way into the hall. “She’s a damn fine young woman,” she seemed to say. “You need to watch who’s lying. Now, please, get out of  my house. ” 

She marched them out of the lounge.

Milli started sobbing. Archie put his arms around her. He couldn’t help noticing how soft her hair was and how nice it smelt. Grandma was a long time coming back. He guessed she was arguing with the Davieses. Or maybe her leg was playing up. Millie calmed down.

“What did they say to you?” he said, handing her the pad. 

She shook her. “They said I got that girl to lie for me. It’s crap. I don’t even know her. I don’t even know her name.” He’d understood every single word. Not heard them. Read them on her lips.

Grandma appeared in the doorway. “Ah, got our faculties back, have we?” he made out.          

Red was up to something. Most definitely. He’d got that look on his face. Chirpy. He was way too chirpy. Whistling to himself like that. Hardly talking to him and Ollie. There was definitely something going on and Archie was determined to find out what.

He’d been acting weird all through English. When Miss Thomas had asked him to read Caesar in Julius Caesar he hadn’t pratted around like the three of them normally did. He’d even remembered to turn and face Archie as he came out with a dramatic  “Et tu, Brute.”  Miss Thomas had said some very flattering things about Red’s performance.  Well, she said a lot and she looked pleased; she actually moved her mouth too quickly for Archie to be able to make out much of what she was saying.

Ollie was in a hurry to go and snog Celine. Archie pretended to be having trouble getting everything into his bag. He avoided getting eye contact with Red. Ollie tapped him on the shoulder and gestured that he was going. Archie nodded.

Red was on his way out of the classroom now. Archie slowly got up and started following him.

Red didn’t go to the bus stop as usual and queue up with the mad-caps who got the number 28. He walked straight past and carried on up the hill, towards where the posh houses were.

Got himself a rich tart, has he then? thought Archie. He couldn’t help wondering how Red would have managed to meet one of them. They all went to private schools. Some of them even went to boarding schools.

Red seemed to be walking faster and faster. Getting excited, Archie reckoned. He was having a job to keep up with him.

Red suddenly stopped in a front of a house that was surrounded by high hedges. It was just about the biggest in the whole row. Archie watched Red press a button next to the big double gates that led to a wide drive. The gates swung open and Red slipped through them. Archie hurried and stood behind the hedge.

The front door opened and a woman about the same age as Archie’s mum but much more glamorous opened the front door and let Red in.

Blimey. So her mother knows all about it, thought Archie.

The front door closed. The gates were still closing. Archie slipped through them.  They clicked to. It was only then that it occurred to him that he might not be able to get back out. Perhaps there would be a back entrance. He’d go and have a look in the back garden if he could find a way into it.

That wasn’t too difficult in the end. A passage led round the side of the house. He didn’t dare go right into the garden, though, in case someone saw him. Never mind it would be dark soon and he could sneak out then. There was already a light on in one of the bedrooms just above where he was standing. The window was a little open. He wondered if that was where she was. He smiled to himself. What was going on up there? He wished he could hear. He smiled again, though, as his imagination filled in the gaps.

Twenty minutes later Red appeared at the window. Yep. He was naked all right. He shut the window and closed the curtains. Would he leave now?  Archie couldn’t see a way out of the back garden. Perhaps his best bet after all would be to go back to the front and try to sneak out after Red.

Sure enough, after another twenty minutes the front door opened. Red came out dressed in his school uniform again. The same woman let him out of the house. She was wearing a slinky dressing-gown now though. She pulled Red back into the doorway, put her hands either side of his face and kissed him full on the lips. Blooming Aida! So, Red was having it away with someone old enough to be his mother.               

Red extricated himself from the woman and walked towards the gates. He passed just a few centimetres in front of Archie but didn’t see him. Judging by the grin on his face he was too busy thinking about his conquest to worry about who might be lurking in the shadows. The gates swung open and Red made his way through them. The front door slammed to and Archie was able to slip out behind Red.

He decided to let Red get ahead of him. Red walked about 50 metres and stopped. He mumbled something. He turned round and headed back towards Archie.

There was nowhere for Archie to hide now. He’d better think of something quick. Seconds later he was standing face to face with Red.

“Bloody hell. What am you doing here?”

“Been to see about a gardening job for one of the toffs,” said Archie. The pain in his ear was almost unbearable. He thought he was going to pass out again.” No, just kidding. I knew you were up to something, you dirty old bugger. I followed you. What’s it like with an older woman?”

Red grinned. “Bloody marvellous, my friend.  They have much more experience. They really know how to get you going. But listen. I’ve got to go back. I’ve left my school bag there. I’d better hurry. Her old man will be back any minute now. That’s why she chucked me out early tonight.”

“You mean….”

“Oh yeah. Four or five times usually. Tonight it was just a quick fumble.”

With that, Red sprinted back towards the house.

A few moments later he came out with his bag. The woman was dressed this time and didn’t kiss him “She’s a friend of my dad’s. She’s putting some money into his business and I’m keeping her sweet by shagging her. Not that I mind.”

As they walked home, Red was going on and on about something. Archie had no idea what as he couldn’t see Red’s lips. He could only think that it wasn’t fair. Red had had his Amanda and now here he was getting favours from an experienced but still attractive older woman. And Archie was still a virgin.       

Yep. Archie felt really cheated. Everybody seemed to be getting on better than him. Red still whistled a lot and scurried off up the hill after school. Ollie was always in a hurry to meet up with Celine. They were really funny. She was so much bigger than him. She either bossed him about or treated him like a pet puppy dog. Archie would have hated that but Ollie seemed to like it.

Even Millie seemed more content now. She would be sixteen in a couple of weeks’ time and social services wouldn’t be so interested in her. Barbara Clutter had been nowhere near her for weeks anyway and Grandma had said she could carry on living with her.  “You’re welcome, my wench,” she’d said. “I enjoy the company. And no, you won’t pay me no rent – unless you come back here after uni and you’re earning a packet.  But I don’t suppose you’ll be wanting to share with a decrepit old grandma by then.” Her mum and dad were no nearer believing her about her uncle but at least they’d be able to do the DNA test on the baby soon and everybody else would believe her for sure.                  

He’d not heard anything from Amanda for weeks. She still ignored all of his texts and emails. He guessed she must be all right. Now that she’d done the deed with Red she was probably playing the field a bit.

He didn’t think it would ever happen for him. Who would want to get off with a deaf boy?

There was something soothing about the formulae and figures Toddles had written all over the board. He could follow that easily. He didn’t particularly have to lip read like he did in his other lessons. The numbers made sense on their own. Recently, Ollie and Red and even Millie had been asking him for help with their homework. He hadn’t meant to get good at maths or even like it. It had just happened.

He guessed the bell had gone. The other kids had started packing up. But what was on the whiteboard was puzzling him now. He read through the numbers again. Yes, there was something wrong with that last formula.

“Archie,” can you stay being for a few minutes,” Mr Toddle said carefully. “There’s something I want to discuss with you.”

Archie packed his stuff up and made his way to the front of the class.

“That formula’s wrong, sir,” he said.

“Is it indeed?” said Mr Toddles. He looked at the whiteboard and frowned. He handed Archie a board pen and rubber. “You’d better put it right, then.”

Archie rubbed out the two offending numbers and then wrote in the correct figures. “See sir? That’s the proper way.”  He turned to face his maths teacher.

Toddles was nodding. His face was bright red. “Well, you know, it’s hard to concentrate with you lot.”

Archie shrugged. He wouldn’t know. He could never hear a thing. Anyway, he found all the numbers too interesting.

“Never mind that,” said Toddles. “I wanted to talk to you about the possibility of doing AS and A2 maths at the same time. Then you could do further maths in your second year. It’s very useful if you get into uni to do physics, rocket science or astronomy. What do you think?”

Blimey! His mum and dad would be pleased.  But what would his mates make of that?  

“Well?” said Mr Toddle.

“Do you think I can do it, sir?”

“If you put your mind to it.”

“Okay then.”

“I’ll get it all set up,” said Mr Toddle. “You can go now.”

Archie didn’t know whether to be pleased, shocked or terrified. One thing, though, he thought as he left the room. I ain’t telling anyone except my olds or they’ll all think I’ve become a nerd or something.   

“Right,” said Millie. “So, that’s what we’ll do then. We’ll walk in together. I’ll find some of the girls and get chatting and you’ll go straight into the kitchen and find the booze. That way nobody will think we’re an item. That wouldn’t be right. And then whatever happens, we leave together. Even if one of hooks up with somebody. Or even both of us do. And we leave as soon as one of us wants to go.”

“Yep.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

Skank was having another party. His olds were away for the weekend again. And now that he could lip-read people had started to invite Archie to things again.

Skank’s house wasn’t far from Grandma’s. They walked in silence though. Archie just couldn’t hold a conversation unless he could look at the person who was talking to him.

Millie looked nice, he thought. She was wearing a short leather skirt and a jacket that went with it. The skirt wasn’t too short. Not compared with what she used to wear, at least. She hadn’t overdone it with the make-up either. Her hair was shiny and hung loosely over her shoulders. I bet she gets off with somebody, he thought. He doubted whether he would be so lucky himself. He was hard work, he knew.

There were already plenty of people there when they arrived. In fact, there were so many that probably no one noticed him and Millie arriving together. That saved some explanations at least.

Archie got himself a beer and made his way into the lounge. He half hoped that Amanda might show up, but he was actually quite relieved when there was no sign of her. He didn’t think he could bear the thought of seeing her with someone else. There were a few people milling around in there. There was already one couple snogging up the corner. He wasn’t surprised to find that it was Ollie and Celine. He was sitting on her lap. Typical!

Millie was still out in the hallway. She was with her girlfriends. After a bit they wandered in and started to dance.  They seemed to be giggling rather a lot.

Archie stopped and chatted to Tony Roberts, Skank’s mate. At least that was one thing: it wasn’t too hard listening to Tony. The loud music – it must be loud, he could feel it – was no competition. In fact, because he had to do it for everybody else, Tony was speaking really slowly and over-pronouncing his words – which made it very easy for Archie to follow. But even that became a bore after a while. After all, Tony couldn’t hear him.  

Archie watched the girls dancing with Millie. He didn’t fancy any of them. They were all too thin or too fat or they laughed too much. Millie was the best looking of the lot of them. But he couldn’t think of her that way. She was just Millie, wasn’t she? 

The inevitable happened. Some dude he didn’t recognise eventually asked her to dance – just before they started playing some slow music. They were soon dancing very close together. After a few minutes, they wandered off.

Archie took himself into the kitchen and helped himself to another beer. There weren’t any cold ones and this one was a bit flat as well. It was some weak supermarket offer crap.

There was nobody to talk to. He wished he still smoked.  Then he would have a good excuse to go outside and see what Millie was up to. Not that it was any of his business anyway. But it would be something to do.

He pushed open the back door.  There was a small paved area outside. Couples were sprawled all over the garden furniture. He guessed there were some on the lawn as well judging by the sounds he could hear coming from there. Ah, and there she was. That bloke was pressing her up against the wall. Archie just wanted to go up to the geyser and tell him to leave her alone. But he shouldn’t. No, it really wasn’t any of his business.

Millie suddenly pushed the guy away and said something to him. “I told him I was going to the loo. Follow me in a couple of minutes,” she mouthed to Archie. “I’ll meet you by the front door.”

“I’ve had enough of this,” Millie said two minutes later. “Skank’s skanky. So’s that bloke. Will you walk me back to your grandma’s?”

Archie nodded. So, that was that. He wandered why he had missed the party scene so much. It really wasn’t all that great.  

It was the fourth time now that Archie had been to the doctor’s after they’d tried the hearing-aids on him. It was the same routine every time. Doctor Azir would ask him if he could hear any more at all and he would report that no, he couldn’t. Had he had any pain or any other sensation in his ears? The answer to that would depend on how much he’d fibbed since the last time. And of course, he had to be truthful about that as well, daft as it sounded, or he’d cause even more trouble.  

Then Doctor Azir would have a good poke around his ears with his special torch. Of course he would find nothing. So next up would be the questions about whether he would see a psychiatrist. Naturally Archie’s answer to that was no.

“Don’t let them get messing with your mind,” Grandma warned him every time he went to see Azir. “You can never get back after that, you know. They’ve got you for life if you give in now.”

It was all pointless.  Still, he didn’t mind so much being kept waiting these days. It meant that he could get on with his maths in peace. No danger of anyone seeing him here and thinking he was a nerd.

Toddles had said he’d give Archie ten quid if he got this tricky formula right. So it was worth the effort. Not easy, though. So, when somebody waggled his arm it startled him. He looked up to see two serious brown eyes looking at him. Amanda. God, she still took his breath away.

“Have you come about your ears?” she asked carefully.

Archie nodded.

“No better?”

“Nope.”

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

“No. It’s fine.”

“You’re doing maths homework?”

Archin shrugged. “More of a super Toddles challenge.” 

She shook here head. “Who’d have thought it? You getting good at maths.”

“Yep. Funny isn’t it?”

He loved having her sitting next to him again. He wished they could get back together. He couldn’t think what to say to her though.

She sat staring into space. Archie looked at her without turning his head. He didn’t want her to notice that he was watching her. She looked pale. And oh blimey, he hadn’t asked her what the matter was.  

“Why are you here?” he asked.

Tears formed in her eyes. “I … I’m pregnant,” she managed to say.

Bloody hell!

Archie’s name came up on the screen.

He turned to look at her as he went towards’ Doctor Azir’s room.

“And my mum and dad think you’re the father.”